How often do you get triggered by other people’s comments or behaviours? Ever stay ‘on it’ for days, allowing yourself to repeat the scenario over and over in your head, and making up endless comments that you should have said in response, or want to say to them now?
Recently having this experience, I was really shocked at two friend’s behaviour and response to a situation. I thought more of them than that, didn’t think they would treat me in that way. I continued normal conversation with them, I knew I needed time to process, and acting like a three year old and ignoring them wouldn’t help anything, nor did I want to argue about it. However, inside I was furious. I allowed some time in my own pity party, feeling wronged and planned how I could get out of having to interact with them in future.
Yes, my ego was having a field day – being righteous, indignant, and hurt. But who was really losing out here – and was it necessary? Was I willing to throw a good friendship away over something trivial? How was this serving me? I allowed myself 2 days to stew. What a waste of energy!
So I turned the scenario around, and asked what I could learn from this lesson. Today I saw a great quote from www.womenworking.com and has prompted me to share my experience with you.
One of the fundamental principles in life to experience real freedom in the moment is
ACCEPT WHAT IS.
If I had accepted what had just happened, how many hours of needless regurgitation would this have saved me? I asked myself what mileage I was getting from repeating it – it had happened, things were said, I cannot change it.
Secondly, one of the principles from The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz is
STOP TAKING THINGS PERSONALLY.
(I highly recommend this book for guidance on living a more conscious life). How they chose to behave is not a reflection of me. However, I can take responsibility for how it triggered me. For when someone else does something you do not approve of, it is merely a reminder of the parts of you that you do not like.
I had also MADE AN ASSUMPTION.
There had been misunderstanding, as one of the friends had obviously forgotten our prior conversation about the issue, and had not taken the action as promised. I could have followed up, taken my own path to resolve the issue. Instead, I felt hurt they had acted out of integrity rather than sorting it myself.
Upon reflection, when I bought these turnaround’s to the light, my emotional response simply dissipated. In just an instant, I freed myself from the negative talk my mind was repeating about them. I gave up being Victim in that moment, and realised how powerful taking time to analyse can be.
When we are able to take a moment when we are triggered by someone else’s response or behaviour, we can look to see where the value lies in remaining hurt and upset. Then we can chose whether we want our egos to have a tantrum or simply let it go, with compassion. Take time to question:
- Have I made an assumption about what happened? Is it true?
- Have I taken this personally, and is that necessary?
- Why am I not accepting what happened? What benefit is there for me to remain right?
- What would love do right now?
Be grateful for the lessons
As always, I am grateful for lessons in life to remind me of the power we have to choose our responses. The most powerful statement above to release from the shackles of the mind is to ask ‘what would love do right now?’ For when we can bring love into the picture and into your heart, it has the amazing ability to dissolve and heal hurts and wounds that your mind has created based on past beliefs.
Later that day, I saw my friend and any acrimonious feelings had completely gone. I was really grateful I had been able to remind myself of the process to release and clear.
So next time you find yourself having a rant about someone else’s behaviour and feeling shocked and hurt, I invite you to consider these few statements and ask what the payoff is to stay in Victim mode. I can assure you, the lightness you will feel from allowing love and compassion in far outweighs any egoic righteousness your mind is running. It’s time to stop taking things personally.
Let me know your thoughts on this by leaving a comment below. Finding your own trigger points is what we focus on in a Soul Connection Session so I can help you heal soul wounds you have brought in this lifetime, and end the repeated lessons once and for all. I look forward to connecting with you soon.
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